Re-raveling

A yoga teacher of mine equated the process of soul searching to unraveling and re-raveling.  This made me think of a time when my dog Shane had gotten in to my knitting and pulled apart a large ball of yarn leaving it in a big unraveled, knotted mess on the floor.  I had to then decide if I was going to scoop up the yarn and throw it in the trash or if I was going to take the time to un-knot, re-ravel and re-purpose it into something even more beautiful then I had intended before.  As I have recently laid on the floor as a big unraveled mess I have needed to make the decision to pick myself up and start the re-raveling process.

I do feel like I have been unraveled, unraveled fully, stripped down bare, hit rock bottom all necessary in order to re-ravel myself.  This unraveling process happened so quickly, quicker then I could have even imagined possible. Much like that ball of yarn once unraveled, you never can re-ravel it the same way. Have you ever tried to re-ravel a knotted up pile of yarn.  Well that is kind of how I felt at the beginning of this journey; a big ball of knots (and that is not even talking about the physical tension in my body).  All of the threads are there and I am bundling up the yarn and recreating, re-imagining what my story will look like.  The yarn is the same but the way it is put together is slightly different.  I am the same, but I am putting myself back together differently. 

I have mentioned that I had been doing some things lately that would not have been part of my daily routine just a few months ago.  Well, this week I have another thing to add to that list.  I went to DC to assist my friend and work a large scale event.  There were some moments of extreme chaos and the stress level of most of the planning team was through the roof.  At one point as I was assisting with the seating chart I turned to the woman who was in charge of this process and I suggested she paused and breathed.  She looked at me like I had four heads and I realized quickly she was having none of that (at that particular moment anyway).  The next day as things calmed a little and things were winding down this same woman turned to me and told me that she appreciated the prior days interaction and she knew she could certainly use more of that, she also told me that she appreciated my calmness throughout the chaos.  We talked a bit about putting things into perspective and how I remain calm in times of high stress and chaos.  A bit I equate to my yoga practice and a bit also has to do with working in some stressful situations in the past including helping students in crisis (this is where the perspective taking comes into play).

I share this as well as the unraveling because regardless of how the pieces go back together or how the yarn re-ravels back, the yarn is still the same.  I am continuing to be true to my integrity and to who is inherently me regardless of the situations I have been finding myself in.  Be it being the calmness to an otherwise chaotic situation or lending an ear to one of my young coworkers at my retail job I continue to seek out these opportunities to let my true self shine.  I continue to utilize the strengths that I possess to better myself and those around me.

We all have times in our life that when we think things will never be the same, life has changed and there is no turning back.  As long as we are true to ourselves, live with our integrity, the path with unfold and the yarn will re-ravel just as it should even if it takes shape very differently.