And now the moment you have all been waiting for...

Ok, so maybe it is not the moment that you have been waiting for but it is certainly the moment that I have been waiting for.  I accepted a job as an Area Coordinator at Smith College, starting on July 1. Many of you know this as supported by the nearly 200 likes on my facebook announcement (that is amazing by the way).  And though knowing where I am going to working does not mean I have it all figured out or even 100% assurance that I will be happy,  it does lift a huge weight off of my shoulders and allows me to breathe in deep and more importantly exhale very deeply.  One of the biggest stressors these past almost 10 months has been whether or not I would be able to sustain myself financially in the near future.  Because I have figured out how to sustain myself in so many other ways, but that was the missing piece, the financial assurance.  That piece of the puzzle has now been filled and now I know that I will have a regular income.  Since that piece has been taken care of, what I can now be excited about is that I get that security in a job I cannot wait to start, at a College I am honored to be working at, in a department where I know and respect my new colleagues.

I have written about how I am ready to be transitioned yet I also know that this is a huge transition.  I have been living a very interesting life the past almost 10 months and the acceptance of this job further affirms my commitment to my community and my commitment to myself.  Someone asked if I will continue this blog once I found a full time job and the answer to that is ABSOLUTELY!!!  The tagline of this blog is "Follow my journey of support and freedom in a time of unknown possibilities.  Stories, quotes and music that motivate and inspire."  There will always be unknown possibilities and I will continue to have stories to share and lessons that I learn.  

There is a reason I chose to call this blog "It Takes a Village to Raise a Stacey."  If it was not for this village I would not have been able to get through this time.  I have also said that I believe that what I put out into the universe will come back to me.  And here is what I know.  I know that those of you  in my village have put out some really good energy on my behalf.   I know that I got this job on my own merits, and I know I worked really hard to get to where I am right now.  I also know that the love and support I have received from all of you has made this all possible, I know that I could not have done this on my own.  I know one more thing, I know that it is time for me to celebrate...and you should too!!!

Just a little patience...yeah yeah

Patience is a virtue.

Time heals all wounds.

A watched pot never boils.

Good things come to those who wait.

All of these are cliches that we know and are repeated as we wait in anticipation of something.  But how really do we cultivate patience.  I know for myself just repeating a mantra like "Be patient, don't fret" has been working lately.  But really being patient is quite difficult and each passing day makes it more and more challenging.  If good things come to those who wait them I have certainly been earning some good things points with all of the waiting I have been doing.

Google defines patience as: The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble or suffering without getting angry or upset.  I think that is really interesting and to pull it apart it is really like knowing there will be some outcome, some resolution, something you are waiting for and being able to wait without getting angry or upset.  So then google how should one be feeling?  I would say that I have that fairly under control.  I am not feeling angry or upset I have however been feeling anxious and through this anxiousness both positive and negative emotions arise.  

As you may have noticed I like to share quotes that have relevance to what I am writing.  I have come across a number that I am drawn to about patience (better than the above cliches) and really instead of writing more on this subject I will share some of these quotes:

“Why is patience so important?"
"Because it makes us pay attention.” 
~Paulo Coelho

“Patience is power.
Patience is not an absence of action;
rather it is "timing"
it waits on the right time to act,
for the right principles
and in the right way.” 
~ Fulton J. Sheen

“A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us.” 
~Henri J.M. Nouwen

What all of these quotes emphasize and what I have been saying a lot lately is that everything has a way of working itself out and that does not just meaning sitting back and doing nothing, but being an active participant in the waiting (paying attention, acting and living life to the fullest).

Remembering my greatness

A number of the yoga classes I attended this week focused on one of the stories of Hanuman (the Hindu monkey God).  The essence of the story was that Hanuman had been gifted tremendous powers but had also been cursed to forget these powers.  Hanuman in service to Rama very quickly needed to get from India to Sri Lanka to rescue Rama's wife Sita.  Hanuman was reminded of the powers he possessed to become very large and very small and to leap great distances.  Hanuman was then able to leap across to Sri Lanka and rescue Sita.  It took a moment of crisis and a good friend to remind him of these powers and once they were reminded the possibilities became endless.

This theme certainly resonated with me (I know I say that a lot)!  How often do we forget our strengths and greatness and it takes others to remind us.  I  know that I am often reminded of my capabilities in yoga.  The physical pose that represents Hanuman is Hanumanasana and it is essentially a full split, representing Hanuman's leap.  

Now I can not necessarily do this pose fully, nor can many human beings for that matter.  However with each attempt I did get deeper into the pose and remembered my capabilities and also my greatness.  The fact that I am putting myself out there in this way on a regular basis and attempting to do things with my body that I never imagined to be physically possible is kind of awesome.  Most people do not and can not do a split and I came pretty freakin' close!  Now that shows possibility, courage and greatness.  And when I say this I do not mean the actual achievement of the pose but the persistence, patience and desire to get there.

I just celebrated three years of yoga practice and one of the first things out of my mouth was, 'but I still can't do a handstand'.  This was an unfair response to a pretty big accomplishment in my life.  I know that at this point I am physically capable of doing a handstand and I also know that most people do not and can not do handstands, I just have some roadblocks (mostly mental) to getting there.  Just like most people do not and can not run marathons, but those who do are pretty amazing and I hold a certain level of awe for them.  I think that wanting to achieve something and the persistence in pursuit of it is as great as the achievement of it.

On the mat and off of the mat it is always good to be reminded of your own capabilities.  Yoga has certainly shown me things that I am capable of that I never could have imagined to be possible.  Yoga has taught me that things that I thought were out of my reach certainly were within my reach.  Yoga has also reminded me that things do not necessarily happen without working hard to achieve them and that is not a bad thing.  Yoga has boosted my confidence and allowed me to see and own my greatness.

"Surround yourself with the dreamers and doers, the believers and thinkers, but most of all, surround yourself with those who see the greatness within you, even when you don't see it yourself."  

~Edmund Lee

How do you remember your greatness? How will you remember your greatness?  Who do you need in your life to remind you?

Commencement

So an academic year has flown by and I did not work in academia.  This is the first year of my life that I have not measured time by semesters, though I am quite aware that two have just passed me by.

The word commencement not only means the ceremony that happens where one receives their degree it also means the beginning.  College graduates across the country this month will be receiving their degrees but also beginning the next stages of their life.  It is very odd for me to not be part of the pomp and circumstance (pun intended) that surrounds this time of year.  The reflections, preparation for transition and celebration that is a part of the end of an academic year is a time that I always greet with mixed feelings.   To work in Higher Education is to know that life becomes quite cyclical and you can expect certain things and emotions at certain times of the year, however it is never the same, because we are  talking about people.

I have not been a part of creating the reflection space, transition conversations or celebration for college students this year but I have done those things for myself.  I have reflected a lot, through this blog, conversations with friends and former colleagues and in meditation and yoga.  I have thought about what transition should and could look like for me, what I want to do next and how to best get there.  I have also celebrated; celebrated this gift of time that I have been given and certainly took advantage of the time in a really positive way. So really this is the first year that I can recall in recent history that has been focused on taking care of me.  I have seen the results of this already in deepened relationships with friends and my community.  And I know this time will serve to make me a better professional, one who not just understands but lives 'I am no good to others if I do not take care of myself'.

I am ready to commence, to begin whatever the next step in life holds for me.  I am no longer freaking out (See Six Months Have Passed) and really do believe that life will unfold as it should.  I believe that things happen when and how they are supposed to.  I also believe that this does not mean you can just sit back and wait for this to happen, you must be an active participant in creating your life.  I have been an active participant in creating my life and I am ready for the next stage to commence.

A commencement is a time of joy.  It is also a time of melancholy.  But then again, so is life. ~Paul Tsongas

Standing on my Foundation

This past week in yoga a good majority of the classes that I attended seemed to focus on foundation.  We looked at our physical foundation in poses and I pondered foundation on a deeper level.  The timing of this happened to be perfect.  The following poem by Danna Foulds was read in one of those classes and it certainly resonated with me.

Foundations Stones 
 by Danna Foulds

Here is my past--

what I've been proud of,

and what I've pushed away.

Today I see how each piece

was needed, not a single

step wasted on the way.

Like a stone wall,

every rock resting

on what came before-

no stone can be

suspended in mid-air.

Foundation laid by every

act and omission,

each decision, even

those the mind would

label "big mistake".

These things I thought

were sins, these are as

necessary as successes,

each one resting on the

surface of the last, stone

upon stone, the fit

particular, complete,

the rough, uneven

face of these rocks

makes surprising,

satisfying patterns

in the sunlight.

Everything that I have experienced in life so far has laid the foundation for what will come next.  This means that I need to take the good with the bad and stand tall on top of it all.  It has all been necessary to get me to where I am at this very moment in time and will continue to prepare me for the great things to come.

My Spiritual Sanctuary

I don't go to church or temple, and if you asked me if I practiced a religion I would say I am spiritual and not religious. Some days I would say I was Jew-ish, emphasis on the ish; where I still feel connected to the culture and traditions from my youth but not necessarily the religious aspects.  Then comes the question, well do you believe in G-d (typed like that out of respect for my upbringing)? And my response is that what I do believe in is that there is something out there greater than myself but I may define that as Grace, Nature, Love or the Universe depending on the day or the way I am feeling.

Recently more and more I understand why some people regardless of how devoted they may be to their particular religion have found a true need to connect to a religious (spiritual) community.  This past Friday we had a community yoga class at Yoga Sanctuary, where I practice yoga and have been spending a significant amount of time these last few months.  At this class all of the teachers taught between 5- 10 minutes but their teaching flowed wonderfully from one to the next.  Following the practice we potlucked (yes it is a verb now) and connected over food.  As I sat in that space I realized that the physical space had actually become a Sanctuary to me.  At one point as I looked around I became overwhelmed with emotion.  I knew most people that were there, some close friends, some true confidants and some just casual acquaintances but regardless of the relationship we all shared something.  This community that I have become part of is one that has become something very significant to me, something that is an integral part of me.  On any given day that I walk around town I can almost be guaranteed to see someone from this community and just having that presence is so grounding to me.

I believe that the relationship  that I have to and with my yoga community is not unlike that of others and their relationship to their religious community.  Maybe this is my way of defining and connecting to spirituality. This Sanctuary of mine has allowed me to breathe deeper than ever before, reflect on life and what it means to me and find acceptance and profound connections.  I have done this through yoga, meditation and just simply by holding a space in this Sanctuary.

"Well I'm done searching now

I found what this life is worth

Not in the books did I find

But by searching my mind

I don't condemn, I don't convert

This is the calling have you heard?

Bring all the lovers to the fold

No one is gonna lose their soul

Love is my religion

Love is my religion

Love is my religion

Love is my religion

You can take it or leave it

And you don't have to believe it"

 ~Lyrics from "Love is my Religion," by Ziggy Marley

Redefining Jinx

Oh no I can't talk about that because I don't want to jinx it.  Do you ever find yourself saying that?  I certainly have in the past.  I would think it was bad luck to share potential good news, that if I shared that the potential would not turn into a reality

I have recently taken a contrary approach.  I have some things brewing out on the horizon that as I go about my day to day I have been sharing with others more then I would have typically in the past (I am not going to share here in any detail because it is still very much a potential and this is very much a public space).  I share and more importantly I share that I am excited.  In the past it would be as if this excitement would 'jinx' the potential opportunity, that somehow by sharing this with other people I would be tempting fate and then the outcome would not be in my favor.

I do know that part of why I would not let myself get too excited and almost minimize the potential opportunity's importance has to do with self preservation.  So if I don't get asked out on that date, win the big award or get the dream job I get to say I did not really want it anyway.  But if I truly believe that what you put out into the universe comes back to you then why should I not show and share my excitement.  This makes the potential opportunity more of a reality and my approach to it more authentic.  Imagine the difference a job interview could be if you truly presented your authentic self to those who are interviewing you? I can certainly recall having to fake enthusiasm for jobs I have interviewed for before but if it is something that I am really excited for why not let that come through. Wouldn't you want to hire someone who was really excited about the job you were offering?  Could that person even be, experience aside, a more ideal candidate.

I once was told after I was hired for a job that one of the reasons I was chosen was because they wanted to get to know the person that my references spoke about and that when I interviewed they did not see all that they had heard about.  I did not bring my full authentic self to that process, I needed a job and had a lot on the line, so held back because I didn't want to be "too much of me", too enthusiastic.  I knew I could be overwhelming at times, though with age I have learned to reign that in a lot.  Apparently in that situation it would have certainly served me better to be true to myself.  Though I am eternally grateful to my references for being able to bring out what I suppressed, I learned a lot from this process which occurred almost 9 years ago.   Yet through the years I have still held back.  These days I am trying something different, life has been different and I am different. 

So maybe now instead of thinking that I will jinx 'it' by talking about 'it' maybe not talking about 'it' is the real jinx.  I'll let you know how that turns out!

"What you think is what you become" ~ Buddha

Living My Values

Today in yoga class we were asked to think about if how we lived our lives was consistent with our values.  This is something that I think of often and is usually at the forefront of my mind. Today for some reason I was really struck by this question.

This week was a roller coaster of a week for me and many across this country and in particular on the other side of this great state that I live in.  With tragedy in both Boston and West, TX I have almost been ashamed to say that I have had a relatively great week.  Things are slowly starting to unfold for me professionally (nothing major yet, but I am starting to see a glimpse of light at the end of the tunnel) and in the matter of 48 hours I have planned a trip out to CA (for next week) to do some work for a friend and reconnect with some other good friends.  I call it my work-cation!  So yes it has been a really good week and one that has also been filled with fear and sorrow, one that has shown me the support I knew was there in my community and one that has tested my ability to be flexible and think on my feet.

So when I think about my values and if I live my life consistent with them I get to think about the week that I just had, the week that in the face of tragedy and unknown in the world I was able to find some sense of balance and calm.  I made decisions based on what I value and made plans in a way that also honored these values.  I believe I have a pretty strong work ethic and stand behind commitments that I make and because of this I almost did not take the opportunity I was offered in CA, I did not want to shirk my responsibilities.  But, I was both supported and encouraged to pursue this opportunity.

When I think about living my values I think about why I left my job in September.  Amongst a number of reasons was that I was not able to be true to my values, I was not given the freedom to be true to myself.  I was unhappy and I was able to mask this most days but it took both a physical and emotional toll.   It is not always easy to live in sync with my values, there are days that certainly test that even now.   I value compassion and patience, both of these things get tested in my retail job on almost a daily basis, but I usually recognize this when it is happening and adjust my reaction accordingly.  Also, most days it is not always in my best financial interest (as I am trying to save as much as I can) to live completely in sync with my values.  For example I would like to leave as little an impact as possible on the earth,  but depending on the day or week affording local, organic vegetables may be out of the question and I will opt for what is cheaper than supporting what I believe in, but I try.

In order for me to live up to the fullest version of me and to be fully aligned with my values I must surround myself with people whose values are similar to mine.  Through a number of different circumstances this week I have found people to be kind and generous, compassionate and understanding, loving and humorous...all things that I value in my life.  I will continue to surround myself with people who share my values and I will continue to seek work that allows me to stand tall and be the person I have worked so hard to become.

What do you value? Do you surround yourself with people and circumstances that make it easy for you to live consistent with your values? If not what can you do to align yourself differently.

"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace" ~ Dalai Lama

Ubuntu - the Essence of Being Human

I have spoken some about my connection with my community and how it is essential to my existence. This is fairly evident just by the title of this blog and it is more clear everyday that I need my community to survive and even more so to thrive.  I believe that for people to be successful they need other people supporting and lifting them up.  This is where my community has come into place.

South Africans believe in a concept called Ubuntu, that focuses on people's relationships and allegiances to one another.  Archbishop Desmond Tutu explains Ubuntu as follows:

"One of the sayings in our country is Ubuntu – the essence of being human. Ubuntu speaks particularly about the fact that you can't exist as a human being in isolation. It speaks about our interconnectedness. You can't be human all by yourself, and when you have this quality – Ubuntu – you are known for your generosity. We think of ourselves far too frequently as just individuals, separated from one another, whereas you are connected and what you do affects the whole World. When you do well, it spreads out; it is for the whole of humanity."

In this video he explains it further to a group of students on the Spring 2007 Semester at Sea voyage:

Isn't that such a great concept, wouldn't the world be a better place, a more peaceful place if everyone connected with this philosophy.   What if we always approached any new person we meet with eyes open to this concept.   I believe that I possess Ubuntu and have chosen to surround myself with others who also possess this amazing quality.  I know that I can not exist in isolation, I know that I am interconnected to all human beings.  The quote says that when you do well, it spreads out.  I believe the contrary to be true as well; when we do harm that also spreads out.  To me that means that our actions can always affect those around us and like ripples in water affect beyond to all living things.

Comfort and Fear

I have started to become really comfortable with life right now.  Some would say that is good, isn't it? But I think I have become too comfortable.  Do not get me wrong, weekly I am applying for jobs in higher education that I am qualified for both near and far.  And there are actually a handful that I am interested in.  So I am moving towards that goal I have of gaining full time employment.  But I have figured out a way to make my current situation work for me, to find joy, contentment, and comfort at a time when I would not have imagined this to be possible.  My days are full, I am full.  So if I am too comfortable will I stop pushing myself to move out of this 'comfort zone' I am in now?

For me I know that certain truths exist right now:

I have said before that though this time was unanticipated I have been given a gift and I do believe I have been taking full advantage of this gift. 

Truth #1:
I have been practicing a lot of yoga and if I did not have this time I would not have that opportunity.  Life would be a lot different right now if I had not found yoga.  (See The Times They Are a Changing)

Truth #2:
I have had the ability to connect with friends and people in my community; unrushed and with intentionality.

Truth #3:
I have refound the value of contributing to my community.  I try to volunteer once a week at the Northampton Survival Center and by serving others I have in turn served myself.

This place of comfort also brings feeling of fear.  Fear of the future, fear of not finding that next job or worse finding that next job and either not being successful or losing this sense of comfort. When fear rears its ugly head, this next truth, the truth that throbs in my head, the truth that brings me back to reality, the truth that makes me question my current state of comfort. This very practical truth the one that pulls me out of my heart and back into my head.

Truth #4:
At some point (soon) I will not be able to sustain myself financially.  I know that for financial reasons I must find a full time job by the end of the summer. (And I would like for this to be in higher education or in a role where I am making a similar impact.) 

It is this last truth and the fear I feel that will force me out of my comfort zone but hopefully I will retain most of what I have gained from spending some time there. 

And I am still so very hopeful....

"You may not always have a comfortable life and you will not always be able to solve all of the world's problems at once but don't ever underestimate the importance you can have because history has shown us that courage can be contagious and hope can take on a life of its own."
~ Michelle Obama